this is a shitty / fucked up entry about pure betrayal ...it will be long and its interesting so if you want - actually id really appreciate it if you read this and took some serious thought into it and let me know what you think , and what i should do because this is extremely serious....i have nowhere to go and no one to turn to... this is so pathetic but here it goes.
this is about my "bestfriend" and my "girlfriend"...get your attention? yeah im sure you see where this is going..this only goes downhill from here.
well, my so called friend nick....we were bestfriends for the past 4 years....did everything together, concerts, movies, chill, whatever.... now, when i have a close friend, i tend to do everything in my power to let them know im there for them and will always be there....well, i needed some help and i stayed at his house throughout this summer ...now this was really great of him and his family to help out, and all that....i am greatful for it more than words. well, that aside...i moved out got my new apartment in early november.
He helped move me in, and we were still bestfriends at this point...and this would be a month ago at this time. we were hanging out like usual and no fights of any kind, then he just stopped coming over...stopped calling... heres where it goes bad...
My g/f , billi...yes billi. She was friends with both of us before i got involved with her... not close friends to either but we hung out time to time in the summer... Me and her got involved in October, and it felt perfect from the first night until nick just randomly dissapeared.
we were together every day, no fights, happy, laughed, enjoyed each others company yada yada...well, we fell for each other...or did we.
the more time that past that nick wasnt around, the more i got suspicious...i have a gut instinct about cheating i guess,..He was hanging out with my g/f more and more throughout this whole month- and I have yet to see him since he dissapeared...wait, but hes still hanging out with her all the time....while im at WORK. ?!?!!!
now, thats when it started to get bad. I stated it wasnt right for him to be around her so damn much and mainly b/c i wasnt there and moreso because he had been acting fucking shady and not calling me or anything....
one thing led to another and last week is where shit hit the fan.
Everything was fine....granted we had been arguing time to time about the fact that im stubborn and im moody ...(yeah, i admit that) but its in reaction to things that i have to put up with , and she didnt seem to grasp that one bit of course.. ive been hurt by woman so many times... im pretty much an empty person trying to get the feeling of love back in my heart...i need it so bad right now, and i was so stubborn and all that shit due to the fact that my guard was up....i mean , damn i can only take being hurt so much....
Well, she promised me that she was the most faithful, loyal person id ever meet and she would never hurt me - especially knowing what ive gone through...
this past week i was attempting to make the extra effort to make things progress and make us closer by doing little things i do to show i care...and things were patching up and i drove her home one morning nothing was wrong, we had talked for hours and i was letting her know i was there for her and all that shit....then, i dont hear anything from her for 3 days. so i get ahold of her finally, and shes in Kentucky? of all places.... on the 14th it was nicks birthday....this would be the same time they were in kentucky...without me...while im ...at work. them and a few other ppl i dont know , decided to randomly go to lexington to some strip club and i wouldve never known if i didnt call.... she called me back after i called earlier that night and nothing...she called to let me know "she wasnt blowing me off and that she didnt forget me"....well heres the thing.... it was nicks fucking birthday, and he has her with him in another state at a strip club with no intentions of inviting me, or even me knowing....in fact, i wouldnt be suprised if he was going to try to hide it...i hadnt talked to him eve yet at this point....well, the next day, i have to work again till midnight....he calls my cell and leaves a stupid message all joking around as if nothing has happened, and as if the motherfucker hasnt been avoiding me for 3 weeks while being with my g/f....
I immediately call him back, and i ask him straight out..."what the hell is going on...why have you been gone for almost a month , and why the fuck are you always with my g/f when i have to work...what the fuck is your problem with me".......he then claims he had gotten a new job and was working all the time, and had only seen my g/f 2-3 times in this whole time...which is bullshit b/c everytime i talked to her, she either talked to him or was with him at some point....then i was like "well, how come she said shes been hanging out with you"....he denies being with her as much...and then says "man, come on, i wouldnt dissapear and i wouldnt do that to you...you know better than that"...
oh....you have no idea, the fucked up things i want to do to this guy.
well, i then dont hear from her until this past saturday which would be the 18th....she promised shed call when they got back to indy...yeah, fucking 4 days later, i call and FINALLY get ahold of her.....she is shitty with me and tells me we need to talk and that she thought we were done b/c we hadnt talked since that night she was in kentucky... wait...WHAT? !?!!? that automatically means were broken up? wtf? no sense at all... not to mention, i fucking called a millions times from then to the time we finally talked....
now...2 days ago.... she comes to my apartment after stopping at my work....apologizes for eveything.....well, heres the thing...when she comes to my work as im closing down... she tells me during the time we hadnt talked, that nick confessed his feelings for her and was bugging her to kiss him and shit...she claimed she said no, its not like her , and it was wrong ..... well, then she tells me he tells her all the things she wanted to ever hear and have....all this fucking manipulative bullshit.... and then i asked "what did you do....did you kiss him ..." and she said they kissed once...i about fucking lossed it at work in front of the store and wouldve lost my job...i somehow maintained myself...and she said she come by later and talk...
she gets there and like i said, she was apologizing, saying how much she was sorry, and how wrong it was...if i hated her she knew she deserved it, and all this shit..how much she cares for me and she was confused, thought we werent together....all that bullcrap.
well, okay.. i could even get that...but , NICK was my BESTFRIEND...not some fucking random guy i know nothing of...this kid i wouldve died for in a heartbeat with no second thought. none.
so you can imagine the hurt and betrayal i feel... this kid knows how much shit ive been through let alone with girls in the past...and then he does this...turns out he told her "i dont care who i have to hurt, or who i lose as a friend as long as i can be with you..." well, she tells me she was going to tell him she wants nothing to do with him like that and that theresn othing going to happen with him, and she wanted to be with me and try to fix what she fucked up.....since im a fucking moron and care too much about her, i think she genuinely means that....theres so much more that went on and was said but i can only type so much...well she was at my place 2 nights ago.... i call her today while at chilis eating with josh and wren...well, first lets rewind ...as im coming into chilis - lesli...a mutual friend of nick and i is a hostess there....well, she has no idea whats going on right...well, she tells me she was pissed at nick because of something irrelavent to this and he said he was going to billi's.....well, lastnight, i called her house and her mother said she wasnt home and she wasnt with jamie....theres only one other person other than me shed be with....nick....
so im at chilis, i find that out by accident, and i call her right away, and i ask her straight out- "where were you lastnight...i havent heard from you since you come over and you promised youd never just not call or anything like this and you are nowhere to be found..." she said "i was at a playing pool"...i said "were you with nick...." silence... "WERE YOU WITH NICK....!?!?! " and she said , "yeah, and a bunch of other ppl".....i lose it...i have tears puring out of my face, im losing my mind while the waitress is taking orders, and i cant talk straight.....i felt so sick to my stomach i ran to the bathroom a threw up while on the phone...came back and she just went off on me saying i have too many problems to deal with to be in a relationship...all this shit...MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I DID SOMETHING WRONG...i didnt do anything!!!! then she hung up on me....i havent heard from her since. that was 3pm today. (wednesday) what the fuck do i do?
i cant hurt him...ill go to jail...mainly because i will not stop hitting him, and i will black out like every other time .... hes not worth it, but at the same time, thats the only way to get my point acrossed....he wont listen, and if i see him i wont be able to hold my self back... and as for her, i cant even fathem how she does this....up until nick dissapeared in the start of this shit, she was nothing but sweet, and loving....he fucking brainwashed her or something... this im sure doesnt seem like such a big thing , but this the best i can type it out... i lost my g/f and my bestfriend and im alone in the cold while they dont even care....how could they do this to me? ive done nothing to deserve this...how the hell am i supposed to get over this? im so fucking alone